My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
