Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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