3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Randomize