You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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