whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
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