So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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