if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I am naked and annoyed.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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