we're blogging at a bar
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
