I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
