I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
