grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
