Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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