i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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