O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
