Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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