i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
