now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
