Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
