Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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