He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
