I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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