i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
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