I've blown a few things in my day
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
