The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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