I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize