i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Randomize
