So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
