Just fell off a train. Bad.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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