Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Can Purell be used as lube?
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize