I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
