just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
