There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
