all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
