Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
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