This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
