I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
