I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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