Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Randomize
