erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
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