the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
