While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
it was like having sex with a tree stump
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
