I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Randomize
