I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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