If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I will die if light touches me.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
