oh fat girl friday strikes again...
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
