Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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