I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
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