she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
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