and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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