you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Randomize
