He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
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