Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
