i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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