I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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