I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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