Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
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