dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
where are my eyebrows?
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