i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Randomize
