Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
