i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
what day is it and did you see me today?
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Randomize
