This is not my ceiling
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize