The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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