I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
