hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
