I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
