Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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