Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
